As you may know, I will no longer be posting on this blog any longer. You can follow me on my new site called "O re:Stacks"
Thank you for all who have read this faithfully.
It's been good.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Today was messy. Today became ritualistic.
Today, it's scary how easily you can fall back into yesterday's habits.
I woke up this morning with such a different feeling. I had a dream.. a very very familiar dream that I have had about 30 (not exaggerating) times. When I had this dream before, it was the same concept night after night. It stopped shortly after school started in Fall 2009. To have this dream last night was pretty random to say the least, but I woke up feeling the same way I did every time previously; full, hopeful, and very sad it was just a dream.
Being full is such an interesting feeling. From being physically full, to mentally full, to socially full; there are so many aspects of our lives where we can consider ourselves filled to capacity. When you spend so much time being empty or incomplete, as soon as that starts to change, it can become uncomfortable. Fighting against completion is only natural, or so I am telling myself. It's a strange thought, being full, a thought that I've never really entertained. Maybe that is why I am fighting against it, because I've never felt what full feels like.
I am on my way there... to becoming whole that is. There will be a day when I realize that I deserve everything I aspire for. When that day comes (in the near future I believe) I will make my way to the couch after a meal, watch the Tigers game, and allow myself to be content.
As it hit the porcelain base, and I pushed it into the drain with the end of an old tooth brush... it became messy again. I can't deal with messy, so I used some comet. It has to stop, before it starts running on autopilot.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Is it possible to be addicted to two different drugs? Really? Who knows..... To each his own. Every drug has its different high, different outcome, different severity, and most importantly.. different level of addictive nature.
As I lay me down to sleep... I wonder... which high is strays, and which high lingers.
I am aware that this may make no sense what so ever... but in my mind where I brew knowledge that only I can understand.... it's crystal clear.