Friday, June 11, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
What would you keep from someone... if you knew that they'd never find out?
Good friends tell friends things they should know. Good friends also keep things from friends until the time is right. Today, more than two months after...the time was right, and though I wish I would have knew sooner... a part of me is glad that I didn't. For once someone protected me from the truth. Because quite honestly... before this weekend, I probably couldn't have handled that piece of information. It's funny how certain people know you better than you know your self sometimes. I'm glad I know now.. and it's just one more of the many reasons as to why this is right.
I hate hurting. I absolutely hate it. I wish I could just forgive like before... and move on. I wish that I could let go as easily as before... but this time it's not like that. See, every time that I forgive and move forward... there have been no repercussions for what has happened. Kind of like a get out of jail free card times seven. If any one is to blame for me getting hurt.. it is me. I let this happen to myself...I was trusting and I believed...and what happens.. the same thing that has happened multiple times before. That's what happens when you truly love someone; you get hurt. That's what happens when you don't truly love someone; you hurt them.
History tends to repeat itself. So why am I so naive to think that it wouldn't just one more time? People don't just change. People lie. It's not that people can't, it's they don't want to. It's not that people forget, it's that it wasn't important enough to remember. Some people obtain happiness by receiving, and some people obtain happiness by giving. Which one are you?
One day.... I won't have to protect my heart from the person I love.... they'll want to protect it for me. Not only from them, but from the rest of the world and all the horrible things in it. One day there will be a person who couldn't imagine of ever hurting me...and will make it their sole purpose not to. One day someone will rightfully earn my trust, and not expect me to just believe in something that hasn't ever been shown. One day someone will be understanding and patient if they break my trust...and not get mad if I'm upset. One day someone will look at me and see more than enough, actually, they will see SO MUCH, and not emptiness. One day someone will come home with a piece of oreo cheesecake for me just because, and not because I had to ask (I said just because right?). One day someone will provide me with some metaphorical super glue to keep all the pieces of my heart together, instead of smashing it with a hammer. One day..someone will come along and make me realize why it never worked out with anyone else before.....and i'll believe it.
It'd be easy for me to deal with this situation exactly how I have in the past.... get mopey for a week or two..don't eat...etc etc.. but it's not going to be like that. In fact, I won't allow it to be like that. I looked back at my posts from when I was in a very similar, well almost exact situation a few weeks ago and decided to remind myself of my own advice. It is as followed:
"This is me damn it! I look the way I look, and my hair may not be one color but I find it intriguing. I think the way I think, I feel the way I feel, and I love the way I love. I am a whole complex. Take me... or leave me. Accept me.. or walk away. You can sit and cry over the people who don't want you, or you can dream of the person that will. I'd much rather wait for the person who can assure me I'm everything (even if I am not), than to settle for someone who constantly questions if I am.
On a happy note. Today was great. I spent most of it with Saddish. I never knew it was possible to miss someone that much. It is truly relieving to know I have such a great friend who knows me so incredibly well. I am so thankful for everything he has done for me, and protected me from.
What would you tell someone... even if you knew they would never have to find out?
There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing.. too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts close my eyes.. and leap
It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down
I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change but till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost
well, if that's love it comes at much too high a cost
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you wont bring me down
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you won't bring me down
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Day 9 Part I: Clear Lake TX, Houston TX
Friday, March 5, 2010
Day 8: Clear Lake TX, Houston TX, Memorial St. TX
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Day 6: Clear Lake, TX & Houston TX
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tonight we decided to go see an A Cappella show. I was neutral about going, not excited but not not excited, however I ended up witnessing some of the best vocal performances I have ever heard in my life.
The first group wasn't too special. They weren't bad, but they weren't amazing. It was A&M's all girl a cappella group. I'm not really a fan of all girl anything... but they were a nice ice breaker. The sang one of my favorite songs, "Falling for You" by Colbie Callait. The second group was absolutely amazing. They performed what was and will perhaps be my favorite rendition of Gaga's "Bad Romance." It was nothing short of absolutely amazing. They also did Open Arms which completely touched my heart. I felt like the guy singing it was singing directly to me. They got a standing o. I love that song in general. It was so good. The concert continued to go on, and other groups performed but nothing really compared to that first group of all guys, but still the show was great. The final group was pretty good too. This one girl sounded and looked just like Jordan Sparks. She truly has a gift. Some of the soloists in the show were just phenomenal.
The final piece was a collaboration of all of A&M's a cappella groups and they sang the glee version of "Somebody to Love." It was great. Great show in general and I left extremely impressed and didn't even care that I had to pay $5 to get in. Galen also "Saved the Music" and donated to the White Box.
We are currently in Galen & Jessica's friend steph/ven's dorm (not sure if it's PH or V). The dorms here are great compared to umich. I love the retro look. Pretty chill night. Much needed. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a cell phone.
Oh I almost forgot to mention that we ate at this place called Freebirds. It was sooo good. I made the mistake to get the "red one" which was a cyan wrap. It was soo spicy, but so good.
p.s. I've also decided I have a blogging addiction that is worse than FB
Day 2 Part I: Texas A&M, College Station TX
Today at A&M has been much more chill. We woke up a little late, around 11ish. It was a nice slow start to the day. Galen, Jessica, and I ate at this place called Fitzwilly's and I had probably the best chicken burger I have ever had. It was amazing. The place itself was really cool too. However there were a bunch of dead mounted animals.
While we were eating I commented on how different people are down here. Everyone just seems so approachable (except the bitter UT fans after the game) and it is so refreshing. Maybe it is just the sun or maybe it's the southern upbringing... whatever it is though I highly enjoy the pleasantness of people here at A&M. I can't say I am in any rush to get back to Michigan.
Galen's friend Jessica, who after this weekend I suppose can be considered my friend as well, we are basically the same person. We came to a conclusion that that is why Galen likes me so much.. because I remind her of Jessica. Some similarities we share are... 1)left handed, 2)play the oboe, 3)can get sloppy, 4) had a "friendly" first semester, 5)lightweights..... 6)...that have to be watched by Galen 7)settled down a bit this semester because of someone worth chilling out for,
8)have the same sheets from target, 9) can have some women encounters to deter creepers and 10) have a slight fetish for military people...to name a few.
Jessica took us on a tour of A&M's campus.. and it was very very nice. Beautiful day and sunny. We laid out on this thing called the grassy nole. It felt great to feel real sun. A&M had an awesome upset in the UT game. We were yelled at by UT fans... that wasn't very nice. We also went shopping and I got a cute gray A&M shirt, and we all got matching A&M shot glasses. Later tonight we are going to an Acappellooza event here on campus. Should be a pleasant night. As of now we are leaving to go eat at this place called Freebirds. I was told it is the original one.
For the next 8 days or whatever, this blog will solely serve as a play by play of my trip to Houston, TX and all the interesting things that are bound to happen. It has only been one day here in the Lonestar state and I have had interesting experiences even before left DTW Airport.
First, as soon as we got to the airport in Detroit security was terrible. It was approximately an hour wait. There were a lot of men from Michigan State's Track and Field team in line. I have never traveled without my parents before, and I was a bit nervous. We finally reach the scanner things and of course my bag beeped. They had to swab it down with some weird thing and they asked me what was in it. I forgot I had a huge tube of lotion. Dumb. I then realized I had lost my charger so I went and got a new one at the wireless store. $42.37 and an un-returnable charger later I am not a happy person. Anyway... we boarded the plane and the lady says my bag is too big and I'll have to check it... but then she changed her mind. Totally underestimated the size of the overhead things.. and had to take a bunch of shit out of my bag so it would fit. Luckily Tristan was there to shove it in.
Galen and I passed out on the plane for about 30 mins then woke up just in time for snacks and pop and then proceeded to make a video that I will post once we leave A&M. The end of the plane ride got really bumpy. I was slightly scared. However we landed and everything was fine. We were greeted by Galen's mom who looks a lot like her so I was able to pick her out. As we were driving down the highway the overhead highway things were so interesting. They were so high and criss crossy. So confusing. I think when Satish, Christina, and I come to visit in May we will be extremely confused with these things. On the topic of highways the driving here is so crazy. Everyone goes so fast and whips things around. Scary.
We got to Galen's house to stay there for only a short period of time before we left for Texas A&M. We got lost along the way but still made good time. I met Galen's high school friend Jessica, who by the way, is one of the sweetest girls, and she aided the interesting pathway for our first night in College Station. Once we finally reached Jessica's dorm I was so jealous. They were so big and nice and have a bathroom in the room which came in handy later in the evening.
We went to this sushi place where I got this chicken dish but it was gross. We went back to the dorm and got ready to go out.. but first we went to this guy's dorm room within the residence hall. As soon as we walked in I felt like I was put directly into a world that was like Willy Wonka meets Alice in Wonderland. There was a hooka thing and a ton of other beverages.. and some "other" substances. We sat around and I was a little nervous because there was a strobe going on.. but it was okay. This girl, who will remain nameless not only for her own sake but because I dont remember it, tried this hallucinogen called salvia. Apparently it is legal but I dont expect it to be fore long. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen. It hit her immediately and she was trying to talk but she couldnt and kept feeling her face. She then fell down and hit her head on the desk. She proceeded to roll around feeling herself and everything around. Once she pulled herself out of her trip she described feeling as if she left for a few hours and saw orange gnome thing..and I guess she saw a letter "A" but it was just any letter A it was a real A. I don't know what that means. So after that whole thing we were a little creeped and smoked out by this sketch guy so we left to go get ready....and this is where it got really sketchy but so adventurous.
We drove like 10 minutes to get to this party in the middle of nowhere. We were in this red Tahoe and had approximately 9 people shoved in it. We got to this party where we were greeted by a man in a lion suit. It was at an abandoned warehouse where the only way you could get in was over these wooden planks. As we walk in there was this mass of men. There was literally a car in this garage/warehouse thing and a heater thing with tires to stand on to reach it. There was a tarp on the opposite side of the warehouse and we were all a little nervous to find out what was behind it. We decided to be adventurous and find out..so we walked behind it and it was all glowing with things. Looked like a much smaller version of Sigma Chi's Equinox in the Forest. We hardly stayed in there so we went back into the more warehouse-y part of the party and got some beverages. I went to get a drink and literally all these guys just got out of the way and argued who would pour as soon as I walked up. It was much appreciated and time efficient. However Galen and Jessica got some trash can punch which made me want to throw up just looking at it. We proceeded to talk to some interesting people.. one from Ireland, one who was a prospective UT Law, and a bunch of others in costumes. We were asked if we were in high school at one point... that wasn't appreciated. We took some liquid off of this luge thing which apparently in Texas is called a Shot Block...that was fun except when Jessica and I had red stuff running down our chins because they were so numb. We rounded up the other girls that we had went with and decided to leave. The Tahoe decided to get stuck in the mud...but luckily there were some southern gents in a huge ass truck to pull us out. That was also much appreciated. However we made it back very safely and it was nice to have a bathroom in Jessica's room. Blowing up the air mattress was an adventure too by the end of the night and we were greeted once again by the sketch guy who looked a little worse the second time. Most of the days following this will probably not be as long of a post... but we just had so much that has happened.
All in all it was a very interestingly successful day. If this is any prediction as to what the rest of my trip will be like.. I'm excited. 2/26/10.
Here is a Video